Chris Mc Ardle

Children's Book Author

The Scary Forest Path

Listen to your guardians and you will be ok. Never talk to strangers.

Let’s join our hero and all the strange characters he meets, as he tries to bring provisions to his Grandmother at the other end of the forest.

The Scary Forest Path

Join our hero Chris and the most strangest of characters he meets as he tries to bring provisions to his ill Grandmother at the other end of the Scary Forest.

Scary Forest Path follows our hero through a scary forest to bring provisions to his Grandmother who is ill and lives as the opposite end. Red riding hood themed, there is a surprise twist happy ending with a valuable lesson for children regarding talking to strangers.

Cleo the Elephant

Cleo the Elephant a former trapeze artist at the Barnum and Drop of Baileys Circus, now spends her free time dancing and pirouetting in a tutu through forests worldwide. She plans on dancing and pirouetting every forest in the world. She is also campaigning to stop elephants being used to carry big fat tourists on treks when they can’t even carry themselves around the same trek because they are too fat. (Animals should be treated with respect

Brown Owl Bennett

Brown Owl Bennett is the official timekeeper of the forest for all the animals, insects, trees, plants, flowers, shrubs and fungi. He sits on his branch from 5am to 5am, 24 hours a day except for the times he doesn’t sit there and goes to have breakfast, dinner, lunch, shopping and play his favourite board game ‘Guess Who’. He calls out the time on the hour every hour in ‘who who’s’ (‘who’ being the preferred language of owls) so everyone knows exactly what time it to look at their watches and see if he’s right. (Remember to make time for yourself throughout the day. Have fun.)

The Monkey Boyos brothers

The Monkey Boyos brothers, Freddie and Fergie love swinging up, down and sideways, on and from the branches and vines of trees, and playing monkeys and Indians with bananas they use as pretend guns. ‘Peeshewer, peeshewer’ is the sound they make from their pretend guns…. whichof course, is bananas, because everybody knows banana guns make a ‘pishhtt pishhtt’ sound.  (Be crazy, monkey around a lot, life is meant to be fun)

Wile O’ Whatsheuptonowiwonde

Wile O’ Whatsheuptonowiwonder, fox, is always very suspicious of people and gives them the beady eyes. He doesn’t trust people, as some go out for no good reason and chase and hunt animals for their own pleasure and call it sport. Not pleasure or sport for any animal. He is campaigning for the stop of all silly activities like this as he says- ‘ee ee eeee eee eeee’ (this is the sound foxes make-fox translation- ‘Do onto others as you would have done onto yourself.)

Yellow Birdy

Yellow birdy loves meditating and the breeze in her face and hopes to be a meditation teacher one day and teach everyone to meditate as it’s super important for health and life. All one has to do is lie down and just tune out, concentrate on your breathing or just think of a word and repeat it over and over. Her favourite word when meditating is ‘vegetarian sausages’’’-just kidding hehe, it’s ‘LOVE’. (Meditate…take time out every day.)

The Apex family

The Apex family just arrived in the forest, and a new baby addition in tow. (‘tow’ meaning with them-not towed in a trailer on the back of their campervan-the mattresses were in that). They are all doing super and hope to be in many more stories in the future when they grow up. They feel blessed to be alive not to mind being in a book and they not long born. (Appreciate life and all its blessings.)

Kitty Katty

Kitty Katty lives with Grandma in her little old house at the other end of the forest. No not that end, the other end. Ya that end! She loves purring and getting rubbies when sitting on grandmother’s lap and climbing up the curtains pretending she is on a Mission Impossible Hollywood movie. She is great company for Grandma. (Love animals and they will love you back.)

Grandma Gigglesworth 

Grandma Gigglesworth is loved by everyone in the forest. And outside the forest, as she’s a totally loveable woman. Everyone loves visiting her as she makes the best cupcakes and scones everyone has ever tasted in their entire born lives. She loves drinking the ol’ tae and isn’t very often she gets sick because she’s so nice. (Positive thoughts and feelings make good chemicals in our bodies and keep us well. Be nice to other and others will be nice to you.)

Mam Friday

Mam Friday (formerly Laura Gigglesworth) lives with her husband Man Friday and son Thankgodits Friday. They live in a lovely cottage at the opposite end of the forest to grandma, no not that end, ya that end- the end with the jungle trees because the illustrator from Bangladesh didn’t really research European forest trees for a European side of the world story. Mam loves gardening and Fridays as it’s the start of the weekend and she doesn’t have the usual weekly Mam duties and so can enjoy herself with her family and visit Grandma. (Respect your parents and guardians because they are always very busy doing many things for the young and old. So, give them a helping hand when you can.)

Pap pap papa, pap pap papa Penguin

Pap pap pap, pap pap pap penguin loves waddling and penguining around the forest delighted to be away from the cold Antarctic. He can’t understand why his family and cousins still want to live there cos he says it ‘freeezzzinnngggg cauld and would freeze the tushie off ya’. He loves the warmer climate, but not too warm, as he turns blank and tan if gets too much sun, because it makes him more friendly. He is forever smiling and waving at people in the warm weather. (Smile and wave to others it’ll warm both yours and their day.)

Jopster the squirrel

Jopster the squirrel goes around saying ‘nut’s nuts’ all day long which all the other animals think ‘is nuts’, because squirrels aren’t supposed to be able to talk English out loud in the forest. He is in fact practising ‘Mindfulness’ and ‘Gratitude’ by keeping his mind focused on the very important nuts he gathers to store away for when there are no nuts in the supermarket to buy, so he can then go and sell them his and make a fortune for out of season nuts. (Just because someone seems strange doesn’t mean they are strange, they might just think different.)

Olivia Ostrichwhathaveya

Olivia Ostrichwhathaveya loves hiding behind trees and peeping out at people. One second, she peeps out from down low by her toes, and the next second she’s way up taller so people get confused and think there are 2 ostriches there, one small and one tall, or a 2 headed ostrich there. She sometimes loves walking behind people and seeing how far they both walk together they other person noticing she’s there. All in good fun. (Be peculiar and different and have fun as long as it’s fun to others too.)

Daisy Maisy Bluebottom

Daisy Maisy Bluebottom the cow loves taking afternoon strolls through the forest after her milking to air her paps. As she says Moo mo moo Moo moo moo mo moo’ (moo the preferred language of cowsCow translation- ‘Nothing like the fresh forest air to revive a gal’s paps after milking!’ she says. (Always look after your body.)

Big Billybob Cletus the gorilla

Big billybob Cletus the gorilla, even though looks scary is a big old cuddly wuddly fella and giggles if anyone tickles him. He loves banging his fists onto his chest at midday every day and singing ‘Ouu Ouu Ouu, Aaah aaah ah Ouu ahh aahh Ahh Ouuu’ (Oua Ah ah Ou the preferred language of apes. Ape translation- Yo hi ho, tee hee hee, Little brown jug I do love thee’ at the top of his voice. He says it’s wild therapeutic and people should play the drums on their chests and sing more often. One day he hopes to be a drummer in a band. (Sing and dance like no one is looking, it’s good for your spirit.)

Mr. John Sinister

Mr. John Sinister, of No. 22 Serious Place, Nosmilingforme, Ireland, loves acting sinister and walking in the woods as it makes him ‘thunderously happy smiling from ear to ear’ in his own mind. He has a different stick-on moustache for every day of the week as it takes too much effort to keep combing a real one into new designs every day. (If you feel like a change of something change. But always have a way to change back if you don’t like the change you made.)

Tarzana Yodelehehooyeboya

Tarza Yodelehehooyeboya loves swinging from branch to branch and vine to vuine and branch to vine and vine to branch and on playground swings as well.  He says ‘Ungwa me Tarzana, swinging keep me fine and strong Yodel eh yodel eh yodel eh he hoo.’ He doesn’t like wearing much clothing as he says ’man born into world in nip meant to live -in nip’. Plus, and he’s saving a pure fortune on laundry which he uses to pay for English classes in the Forest school’.

The Tweety Bird Choir

The Tweety Bird Choir love rehearsing their tweet songs in the forest for its acoustic value and audience, the animals’ insects, trees, plants and flowers love it. The tweets sound better there than in an open field. Plus, it’s cooler as it’s in the shade. They are famous for their No. 1 hit classics ‘Tweettweet tweettweet’ (Happy birthday) ‘Tweet twee twe tweet’ (Don’t stop me now) ‘Tweetletweet’ (Edelweiss), ‘Tweet tew tw tweeteteyee‘(Love is a rollercoaster) and many many more……and hope to go on a world tour in the future.

Puss in Red Boots

Puss in Red Boots loves red boots and has 52 pairs at home in his walk-in boot cupboard. That’s 1 boot for every week of the year times 2. (52×2) He has all the top brands Gucci, Calvin Klein, Adidas, Nike, Motorola, Samsung, Tayto’s etc etc. The second a new pair of red boots comes out in the fashion world he’s off on a private jet to buy them. (That’s where his friend has a laptop, he orders them online from there.)

Long John Rumpildrinksin

Long John Rumpildrinksin was a former pirate when pirates were fashionable. He lost his hand and leg after he fell overboard after drinking too much rum, and a minnow with big teeth thought he was an early breakfast. He now spends his time on land as it’s safer from drowning there. He still drinks rum but only 0% rum. He finds it a lot less wobbly for him than the other stuff.

Bear Withme

Bear Withme loves dressing up in frocks and waving to people. When she’s not dressing up in frocks and waving at people, she doing other things. And when she’s not doing other things, she loves going shopping for honey at the bee honeymarket. She finds it yummy and nutritious.

The Richardson Goats

The Richardson Goats love climbing trees and just about everything else they possibly can. They just pure loves it. They hope one day, or night, to climb Mt. Everest, but hope there’s still snow up there with all the global climate change that’s going on, as they always wanted to see snow on the top of Mt Everest. Plus, they already bought goat snow booties for climbing mountains and want to get the use out of them.

Leo the Giraffe

Leo the giraffe loves standing still and pretending he’s a tree then scaring the bejeekers out of people who pass by, when he moves. He loves figure skating and rollerblading, but his head keeps catching on the low branches of trees. He won’t use the Skatarium and Disco Rolloblade in town as he says they are too pricey. His doctors ‘banged me head off a branch’ fees are way less expensive in the long run he says. He has a helmet ordered and is expecting it any day now from giraffe helmets.com. (Quality is better than quantity. In this case -having fun in the right environment is better than skimping on $ and ending up spending loads time to and from the Dr. and putting yourself at risk to own health. Or if you have no other choice- do it safely.)

Turtle Jim and Turtle Robert

Turtle Jim and Turtle Robert are the Turtle brothers, and love abseiling down trees. It’s takes them forever to get up there, but they love the pure adrenaline rush on the way down. When they aren’t adrenaline rush abseiling down trees, they love watching Formula 1 fast tractor racing on tv and hope one day to enter the Turtle vs Hare Championship Speed Derby at the Foxtrot Races. (if you love something even it requires hard effort go ahead and DO IT! Follow your passion!)

Spindle Spider

Spindle Spider loves making webs and makes them all over the forest. He then oils them so the little animals and insects won’t stick to them and can use them as trampolines and have fun and keep fit and the same time. He also makes crochet web cardigans for the older animals in the forest to keep warm in winter. (Use any talent you have for making others happy, while making yourself happy doing it.)

Nelly the Elephant

Nelly the elephant is a former tight rope walker from the traveling Boing Boing Flea Circus. Her career lasted all of one day after she flattened the circus tent on her opening night act. Luckily no fleas were harmed as they had all hopped out of the way before she fell off the 2nd step of the ladder on her way up to do her tight rope walking act. Now she spends her time enjoying nature and goalkeeping for the forest’s animal rugby team ‘The High Achievers’. (Just because you might not be great at one thing doesn’t mean there’s not loads of other things you can be great at.)

Count Christula

Count Christula loves walking around the forest saying, ‘I’m a Vamppirreee, fangs (thanks) a lot’ and toasting everyone with his pretend glass of fake blood wine. (It’s really ribena). He wants to be an actor when he grows up so he’s practising now early so he’ll be good at it in the future! (Imagine and practise the life you want to have in your mind, and one day it will come.)

Monkey JuJu and Monkey Charlotte

Monkey JuJu and Monkey Charlotte love playing ‘tag you’re it’ with Squirrel 1 and Squirrel 2. They are great entertainment for everyone to watch with their jumping and running and climbing and swinging and love nothing more than sitting down afterwards and eating nuts dipped in honey.

The Flying Fishy Fishy Twins

The Flying Fishy Fishy twins follow Count Christula all around the forest and when he isn’t looking, they dip in and out of his glass of Ribena for a quick drink and swim. (Eat healthy and be healthy)

Delbert the Dog

Delbert the dog always wanted to be different so instead of barking he decided he would moo instead. He loves mooing and watching the expressions on people’s faces after he does it. (Variety is the spice of life/Dare to be different)

The Three Blind Mice

The Three Blind Mice Impressarios, Peroguin, Alfonsus and HandsomeMan aren’t really blind, just love pretending to be like their book heroes The real Three Blind Mice. They love tap dancing and hope to be on vaudeville in the future. (Dream big and you’ll get there one day)

Pinky and Winky Pigglesbottom

Pinky and Winky Pigglesbottom are just visiting their cousins the Boars who live in the forest and always dreamt of appearing in a book with a forest because pigs don’t normally get into books with forests, so it’s a dream, well 2 dreams, come true for them. Tadda.

Lucius the LLama

Lucius the LLama looks like a sheep with a long neck and when sheep see him, they all wish they had long necks like him too then they could all see taller than themselves. Lucius loves embroidery and makes lovely design patterns for anyone that wants them.

Jangling Jane

Jangling Jane loves swinging and gliding from tree to tree in the forest and hopes one day to perform in a movie that features a lady swinging and gliding from tree to tree. She can speak 4 languages, English, Spanish, French and Mumblemouth and is very strong.

Captain Dandelion Darningneedle

Captain Dandelion Darningneedle (Real name Ted) loves dressing up in costumes and playing with his water squirt guns. ‘Ima gonna get yis’ he calls out as he chases all the animals in the forest who love the Squirt Squirt game. (Playing real life games keeps us real, life sharp in mind…. cos if anything were ever to happen, we will be prepared for it. But keep if fun.)

Brubaker ‘Whatyougawkingat’ Bighozz’s

Brubaker ‘Whatyougawkingat’ Bighozz’s father (Clementine) was a horse and mother were a sheep (Dorothy). So, Brubaker came out wooly and 6 legged. He hopes to be a fashion designer one day and has loads of ideas for wooly horse costumes to keep horses warm and stylish in the winter. (Be creative be different you don’t have to be the same as everyone else)

Frederick the Swan

Frederick the swan is a bananas delivery flyer and delivers bananas to anyone looking for them in the forest. On his days off he just loves chilling out on the water and appearing graceful and thinking- isn’t it great to be able to both swim and fly. (Try many things and keep doing what you love and are able to do super well)

Rhinehorn Ohdeeryme

Rhinehorn Ohdeeryme the deer keeps the forest path clear of stones with his antlers, so no one gets hurts and falls over them. His favourite time of year is Christmas and one day hopes to meet his hero Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. (Use your talents in whatever way best)

Good Witchy Mc Loughlinomass

Good Witchy Mc Loughlinomass loves being the forest paramedic, and if anything happens anybody, she’s the first to respond on scene and take them to the hospital on her flying broom where they will all get better and well. (Never judge a book by it’s covers)

Scarecrow Bobby 

Scarecrow Bobby is a mime artist and pretends to be frozen stiff for passers-by who think he is a real scarecrow. On his lunch breaks he does super-fast springs and rigorous stretching to balance himself. (It’s important to balance activity and rest)

Lionel Richardson the Lion

Lionel Richardson the lion is the mane man about the forest. He loves his mane and running fast against the wind to get the wind all through it and him looking spectacular. He goes through a tonne of shampoo every month. (If you’ve got it flaunt it)

Tincan Alleyman

Tincan Alleyman is made from tin cans from Allyman, Co Cork. Ireland. He loves clang clang clanging about the place and doing futuristic robot dances. (It’s ok to be different)

The Kermie Kermie Baby Twins

The Kermie Kermie Baby twins love climbing trees, posing on branches and singing ‘We All Stand Together’, the Paul Mc Cartney song to the animals at the close of every day.

Scooooby Dooooo and Shaggyyyboy

Scooooby Dooooo and Shaggyyyboy are Scooby Doo and Shaggy impersonators and available for bookings from Google images. They love popping up for no reason whatsoever in books to stimulate people’s minds as to why they might be there at all in the first place in a book nothing remotely related to them.

Zoomy Zombie

 Zoomy Zombie is a professional zombie dance instructor and can touch his nose with his tongue. He knows where his left ear is, and by that then he knows where his right ear is, just across the other side of his head.

Scarecrow Patterson

Scarecrow Patterson is searching all over the forest for his brain. He took it out one day to have a look at it but because it was plugged out to the rest of his body his memory wasn’t working, so he couldn’t remember how to put it back in…or what it was…and then where he left it. But he hopes to find it any day now if he can remember what it looks like and be back to normal in no time. That’s if he can remember what normal was.

Lionheart Nc Gill

Lionheart Nc Gill is very afraid of all things and jumps at the slightest scare. He describes himself as a big fraidy cat but little by little he’s overcoming his fears. For this reason, he especially doesn’t like Halloween.  Last Halloween he got a super fright from a small mouse dressed up as a xxxxx and jumped so high that he was able to wave in the window of a 747 jumbo jet flying at 15000ft. what a Halloween scare all the passengers of that plane got hehehe. But everyday he’s getting braver and braver and one day hopes to teach others how to be brave like him.

Tinman O’ Riordan

Tinman O’ Riordan is made if tin so doesn’t have a heart. But everyone he knows and meets loves something, so he’s stone mad to get a heart for himself and see what all this LOVE caper is about. He has been told it’s a super great feeling so he’s super keen to see what it’s like for himself. His creators Tinperson Corporation say they are very close to making hearts for all their tin creations so it’s only a matter of time before he can love everything and anything he lays his eyes on.

Witch Herlihy

Witch Herlihy is ranked No/ 12 in the friendliest Witches in the World list. You couldn’t meet a nicer witch (well you could…11 of them, going by the Friendliest witches in the World list, but that’s only because the 11 before her had more voters as they lived in bigger forests. But everyone in the forest knows SHE IS the friendliest witch in the world to them, couldn’t meet a nicer witch. Plus, she’s the only witch they know anyway, but they couldn’t even imagine any witch being nicer than her.

 

In her spare time when she’s not casting spells on everyone in the forest to think she’s super nice the friendliest witch in the world she loves to help all of them with whatever they really need, be it a magic health spell, or money for going on holiday or accommodation for when relatives come to visit the animals of the forest and loads of other things she’s so nice, but only if it’s really needed as she can’t be wasting spells.

Zoomie Zombie

Zoomie Zombie is a professional zombie dancer and loves dancing in the forest and amazing everyone with his cool dance moves. At Halloween de dresses up as the President of the USA and scares the bejeekers out of everyone in the forest.

He hopes one day, and night, to work in horror and romantic movies about zombies, as he says himself ‘I’m a natural for the part.’

Scooby Doo and Shaggy

Scooby Doo and Shaggy are at the run from ghosts that were actually real ghosts in the last ever episode of their mystery tv cartoon show that was famous for ghosts and them solving mysteries about them.

At first, they thought is was just real actors in costumes but when the ghosts started walking through walls and turning them upside down they got the fright of their lives and ran away. That’s why the tv show stopped on tv. They hope one day to return and do more shows, but they have since heard that the ghosts that chased them have their own tv show now scaring people and are very successful, so it might be a long time before they retire, forever maybe as ghosts don’t die. Zoinks!!!

Kerymie Baby 2 and Kermie Baby 3

Kerymie Baby 2 and Kermie Baby 3 love sitting around on trees in book pages and looking out lovingly at the readers of the books. They are amazed by all the readers they see, and who see them.

They learned to climb trees to get a better view of the readers, plus get away from having to jump out of the way by fast animals running through the forest and one day hope to be able to read and buy books so they can look at readers sitting on branches up trees staring lovingly back at them, the readers having learned to climb trees to get out of the way of fast other humans running through the concrete jungle of towns and cities.

Grandma

Grandma lives at the other end of the forest and doesn’t usually get ill because she is so nice to everyone.

The 3 blind mice

The 3 blind mice live in a hole in the wall of Grandma’s kitchen. They are not really blind and can actually see quite perfectly. They are in fact secret undercover forest ranger mice and go around the forest making sure all the forest and animals are safe and protected.

If ever they see anyone breaking the rules of the forest, like disrespecting it or anyone in it, or anything al all not nice they immediately go into Forest Ranger commando mode and stop them and sometimes chase them out of the forest with their walking canes.

Puss ‘n Basket

Puss ‘n basket is a distant cousin to Puss ‘n Boots, by some 3000 miles. She lives all cosy with grandma and the 3 blind mice and has the most luxurious life with her own memory foam basket mattress and getting lovely rubs from Grandma.

Rubbing a cat is super therapeutic for anyone and is very relaxing too. She sits on Grandma’s lap with the 3 blind mice and they all love watching animal movies on tv.